2. Nora and her new short hair had a first instance of other people’s gender normativity the other day, when some seventh-grade girls told her she must be in the wrong bathroom. I felt weirdly outraged on her behalf but kept my cool, because I don’t like telling her how to feel about stuff.
Me: What did you say?
Nora: I just told them, “No, I’m a girl.” Then they started whispering.
Me [getting slightly steamed]: Did that bug you?
Nora: No. They were probably whispering because they were embarrassed to have made a mistake.
I somewhat doubt that interpretation, but Nora seems wholly unflappable at the prospect of anyone’s confusion, wholly certain of her girlhood, and wholly in love with her short hair. Long may she continue to rock.
Wow. Awesome. Then, I thought of this show (Our America with Lisa Ling), which I caught a preview of on Oprah yesterday. The preview was of Hailey, an eight year old transgender girl, who has been living as a girl since she was about three years old. Her parents are inspirational. They showed how listening and trusting your child can empower them and help everyone to live their most happy life. (Even though it can be confusing and incredibly difficult to go against what society says should be happening.)
I wonder about the days when Dara will start talking—what will she say? And when she starts to become self-aware—what will she think? I want to encourage her to be herself, but I know how hard it is to keep one's own self out of advice. How else does one give advice than through one's own experience? I consciously practice listening to her, rather than telling her what I think she's feeling. For example, if she falls down or cries, rather than say "you're ok," I ask her if she needs help, or if she's ok, or I just don't say anything at all. I wait for her to approach me.
Right now her dad and I are the only forces in her life, but as she gets older friends, tv, magazines, and society at large will creep in and start pressuring her to be a certain way. I just want to help guide her to her own successes and remember to learn from her as she learns from me.
when people ask me for advice, i argue both sides rather than telling them what they should do. i've discovered that this approach annoys many people because they are so used to others deciding for them. if i tell them my answer i feel as though i have cheated them of the thought process.
ReplyDeletei think you're a good mom. i like this post : )